So as I mentioned in my "Intro" My oldest, Delilah, is a bit of a Diva. Some would rather use words like "passionate" or "expressive" but I say lets call it what it is: DRAMA QUEEN! Her dramatic tendencies are entertaining most times (even if she's not laughing) but then there are the times that break my heart! I am a firm believer that if you say it you have to follow through, so if i'm not willing to follow through with the "take away your birthday threat" than I don't say it, because otherwise it opens my "NO" for discussion. When I say "no" I mean it. If I tell the kids they will not get anything else the rest of the night if they don't finish their dinner, I mean it.
So yesterday Delilah had dance class, we decided to go to McDonalds play place before class to get a bite to eat and let the boys run (my sis and her boys were with us too) because after class we had to high tail it back to beaver bay for kinship. So Delilah tells me what she wants, she eats the fries and then decides she would rather go play than eat her cheeseburger, and so I tell her that if she doesn't eat her burger she will not have anymore food the rest of the night. I even reminded her that we were going to kinship after dance and there was sure to be food there. She said over and over that she was not gonna even ask for more food if she didn't finish hers. Well we get to kinship, and about an hour into it she comes up after playing and says that she would like some food. NO was my reply and I reminded her of the agreement we made at McD's. She then begs, and I inform her that the only thing that is going to get her is a spanking. I retold her why she was not getting food and told her I didn't wanna hear another peep about it. She cried as expected but not too bad. Still made me feel like giving in, but I held my ground.
Show and tell.....seriously that phrase drives me nuts because she is obsessed with it. Every day she has to find something to bring to show and tell. Not that her teacher requires or expects it but because she loves to show and tell every little thing. This distracts her from getting ready in a timely matter because she has a somewhat one track mind about it. This morning she wanted to bring her tiara out of yesterdays happy meal. Her backpack was left in the van last night and I told her I would get it before she left to put her tiara in. She was so focused on putting her tiara in something that she decided that instead of getting ready she chose to find a paper grocery bag an put it in there instead. So just before her ride got here this morning as she was finishing her bowl of cereal, I ran out to the van and grabbed her backpack. While she was putting her shoes on I found the paper bag with the intention of putting the tiara in her backpack instead, only to find that the ponies I have told her repeatedly she could not bring to show and tell were in the bag with the tiara. So I dumped the bag out on her bed (tiara and all) and brought her backpack to her. She immediately looked in to see where her show and tell was and then panicked because it was not in there. I told her "remember the ponies I have told you, you could not bring to show and tell?" "Yes" she replied with a guilty half smile. I then said that because she had disobeyed me she would not be bringing anything for show and tell. I then told her to have a good day and that I loved her, she put her head down and turned to walk out, trying to hold back the tears. I could see on her face that she was really upset, and trying hard not to show it (or her ride may see it!) she walked away slowly and by the time she got to the car she was crying, not a full blown wail, but a cry none the less. It broke my heart :( even reliving it now, makes me sad. I hate to see her hurting, even if it is as a result of being disciplined, which is necessary. Makes me feel like the meanest mom in the world. It reminds me of an essay that my mom gave me, when I was a teenager. It was called I have the meanest mother in the world. I rejected it then partly because of lack of understanding, but also because although my mom thinks she was that mom, she was not. Maybe when we were young but being a single mom, work always came before us, and we (whether she admits it or not) did not have much for rules or structure as there was knowone home to enforce it. I know she did what she could, I only wish she would quit living in a fairytale where even though she worked 18 or more hrs out of 24 she was still the "mean mom" this essay describes. Reality is ok, I understand she had to work to support us, since she was doing it alone....ok enough of my mommy issues.
I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also.
But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two brothers had the same mean mother as I did.
My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less--not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.
We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?
The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.
She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did.
By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.
Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends' report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks.
As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.
My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did. She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults.
Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean. Because, you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world.
Written by
Bobbie Pingaro ©1967
This brings me little comfort as I know that it will likely not be until my own kids are giving me grandkids that they understand why I do what I do. So I guess I stand my ground for now and hope that someday my children will be as thankful as I am that I am their mother.
A few of the dramatic phrases used this week by my little diva;
"I already had a hard day and your making it worse!" because I wouldnt let her have a straw with her cup of water because I was cooking at the stove and didn't want her digging in the drawer under the countertop stove for one!
"You're doing it again!" (referring to making her day worse) because I wouldn't let her do something else in the kitchen...can't remember what!
"This is the worst day ever!" when her pouting didn't work to change my mind. Also she yelled that as she was stomping out of the house and slamming the door..... I was laughing :)
That was just one night!
She did say something cute this week though. After dinner she was helping me clean up the table and asked what our plan was the next night for dinner. I told her we had kinship. She asked why, I said because we wanna get together with our friends in Christ, and have fellowship with them. She then then said "did you know that were all Gods kids which would mean we're all like brothers and sisters in Gods eyes!?!" I replied "yes, I guess so" then I decided to be silly and see what she would say, so I said "does that mean your dad is my brother, so I married my brother!?!" Her response with a big grin; "yep, but it's ok your kids won't be sick or anything" LOL if that wasn't enough, when I started laughing she looked at me and said "Aren't I just the cutest?" LOL
Ok well gotta get going lots to do today!
Dee-ta-Dee
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