My First Semester as a Social Work Major.

     This semester I'm taking a full course load. Though none of my courses are program courses, as I don't interview for admission into that until later this month. They all count towards my degree though and are prerequisites to the Social Work Program. I am taking a Business & Professional Writing course (online), which I am really enjoying as it comes naturally to me. It is also helping me to fine tune my approach to professional communication which will be very important in the future when coordinating resources and care for my clients. I am taking an Intro to Sociology course, though not through UWS, as the options for that course at UWS did not fit for me life so I am taking that through LSC (online), which is where I just transferred out of after completing my AA degree. I need this course to satisfy my Sociology Minor. It seems kind of silly to me because I've already taken 14 of the required 21 credits to qualify for a minor, but none were an intro course, so I have to do this one. I'm really okay with it though as I LOVE sociology and it helps to deepen my understanding of people and improves my cultural competency. I am taking a course called Law and Human Behavior (online) as well. This course has been super intense! There's a lot of reading each week and writing. I am learning a lot though and I feel i'm getting a better understanding of the history of law and why it works the way it does. First Nations Studies is a social work course I am taking, though I didn't have to be in the cohorts to take it. I am gaining a deeper understanding of tribal culture, structure, and history. I do have some familiarity with First Nations (online) as I lived on a reservation for a couple years, and have many friends and family who are band members. This class is exposing me to a lot of things that I didn't know though so I am really thankful that I am taking it! Finally, for my one and only class on campus this semester, I am taking Intro to Social Work. This class is not in the cohorts but it is a requirement to get into it. I love this class, because it focuses on a lot of discussion and features case studies and current events. It is really shaping my perspectives further, and even challenging them, which is an important part of being a social worker. I have found the material covered to both be easy, and affirming in that I have a lot more life experience than my classmates to pull from, having been a foster and later adoptive parent for nearly a decade now. It is affirming in the sense that it has built my confidence in my chosen degree and future career path. 

     In my Intro to Social Work course, I have learned a lot about the importance of ethics and values in social work. This information will continue to be elaborated on and developed as I proceed through the cohorts and will factor into my daily home and work life for as long as I bear the title "Social Worker". I feel appropriately burdened with my title as a Social Work Student as I have learned through this course how important it is to keep this perspective and the accompanying ethics in practice as I move forward and work with clients. I expect a lot of personal development to come out of the months and years ahead and if what I've learned about myself thus far is any indicator, I have a long way to go and it will be a lifelong process of self-reflection and accountability to work through any of my personal bias that may arise and create at least the possibility of a barrier between my ability and my willingness to do the right ethical thing for the clients best interest. Humility will be my strongest asset. 

Social Work Blogs I'm following...

    I have spent some time exploring various social work blogs lately. I must admit that given the confidential nature of social work, I didn't expect there to be many blogs in existence. Much to my surprise I have found that there is no shortage for me to follow and learn from as a social work student!  Here's a few of my favorites so far: 

http://creativesocialworker.tumblr.com/
     

     As a special needs parent, I have been very involved with therapy the last five years. We've tried lots of different types and approaches, so social work aside, I would probably be attracted to this sort of blog purely for my own education as a parent and advocate. Since I aspire to obtain my Masters Degree in Social Work immediately after I complete my BSW (for those of you not aware an MSW would qualify me to be a clinical social worker/therapist) this blog also has the added bonus of insight I can carry with me throughout my education and career.

     The blog description for "Creative Social Worker" caught my attention in the search results page. Once I began exploring the page itself, I got lost in the wealth of knowledge for awhile. Because I have a daughter that has experienced trauma, I also found some of the tools and therapy ideas to be very helpful and I may implement and/or suggest them to my daughters therapist.  I also liked that the blogger interacts with her readers in Q & A segments and an interactive comment section.

http://www.notesfromanaspiringhumanitarian.com/
 

     I was first attracted to the title as I feel that I am very much a humanitarian.This blog is much more than just a blog, it's a movement in itself. It's easy to get lost in this site as well as there is just so much information. Thankfully it is also very easy to navigate. This site will be very useful to me as it is full of resources that I will be likely to use as an aspiring social worker. The perspectives and insight offered here are excellent platforms for me to continue in my own aspirations to be a humanitarian and a social worker. The two really go hand in hand quite nicely! 

http://www.socialworkblog.org/ 

     I chose this blog because it is a product of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) which I will be joining upon completion of my degree, and my social work education is largely centered around this organization. This blog has a lot of current events that are presented through a social work lens. This will be useful in remaining up to date and aware of things that are happening in the world outside of my home and/or work community. 

     As mentioned above, each of the selected blogs will be useful for me in various ways as I continue my education and later pursue a career in social work. By actively seeking information from multiple sources I will improve my cultural competency and have my beliefs challenged in a way that encourages me to grow as an individual and as a social worker. 

Oops I...did it again!

At this point it is well established that I am terrible at the upkeep of this blog. The only reason I am here today is because I was assigned to develop a professional blog in my Business Writing course and I thought I may as well use the one I have rather than make a brand new one. Maybe I'll actually stick with it this time? I doubt it, because school keeps me very busy and the kids fill in any and every possible gap. Sleep? That's a luxury I seldom have time to enjoy these days...
Just to get up to speed, here's what's up since my last post:
I graduated from LSC with my AA degree in December (though commencement is not until this May and you better believe this gal is walking and wearing her honors cords proudly!) I decided in early spring 2015 that I wanted to continue beyond my AA and seek a Bachelors of Science in Social Work so I transferred to UW-Superior. This week is midterms and next week is spring break. Oh how I'm looking forward to JUST being a wife/mom/auntie/friend for a week! I interview on March 30 for the official acceptance into the Social Work cohorts to begin in Fall 2016. If all goes as planned (ha!) I will graduate in December of 2017 with my BSW as a LSW!  I am currently looking into masters programs with advance standing. The plant Buddy has worked at for almost 5 years now is scheduled to idle indefinitely this fall. The company tells him that they will find a position but that has not panned out just yet, so things could get rocky for a bit and that would certainly derail my plans to continue into a masters program. We shall see. Kids are great. Deja finally got an IEP and Gus is in the process of getting one as well for his ADHD and the learning disorder in written expression that was detected during his formal ADHD evaluations. Audrey is in Kindergarten and suffers from youngest child syndrome like no bodies business. That girl can wrap you around her finger so fast you won't know what hit you. All with a smile. Unless she doesn't get her way, then watch out! Delilah...oh Delilah. She is 11 now. And much of the time I wonder if I'm the worst parent in the world to have raised such a disrespectful, bullheaded, mean, and downright nasty child. The rest of the time I am amazed at the beautiful, kind, courteous, mature, and pleasant young woman I raised. Really though, she is a great kid. When she's not awful. Yay for preteens and their raging hormones! She has about 3 more inches to grow before she will pass up little ol' me. She is thrilled by this.

I will be posting a few postings in the next few days to satisfy the assignment requirements. My intention is that I will be able to bring this blog with me as I transition into a career as a social worker. I will continue to share bits and pieces of my life and family, but social work will likely become my main focus as I will be parting ways with my beloved SAHM title in exchange for some acronyms following my name.

See you on the other side!

National Adoption Month

I am horrible at keeping this blog up to date. Usually my posts are all about my intentions to do so and then it never happens, until I am once again back promising to stay on top of it this time. That is not what this post is. Recently I added full time student to my SAHM status as I returned to college to finish the AA degree I started in 2002! In my College Composition class we were assigned to write a Narrative Essay. I wrote about our adoption. It is a short essay, but I got 100% on it and my teacher encouraged me to share it with others who may be able to relate to our story and struggles. Today a friend on facebook shared a post with me called "I hate adoption." *see link at bottom of post*  and it was in reading that, that I realized I really do need to share our story. So without further ado, my essay:


                                                                                                     UNATTACHED
           
           Looking back, I should have known that she was broken when the officer first passed her off to me and she didn’t make a fuss. When I spoke to her, she just smiled back at me, batting her big brown eyes. We weren’t complete strangers; I had met her twice before. Both times left me with a bad taste in my mouth. My husband and I agreed that we would not be comfortable with her around our kids because of the aggression she displayed during those meetings. Little did we know that she would soon be “ours.” Adopting a child from foster care is much more give than take. At first you're optimistic that you can love their pain away or that with structure they will adapt and thrive with their needs being met, and you'll go skipping off into the sunset together en route to happily ever after.

           Children, who have experienced trauma, are not a rarity in foster care. How else would a child find themselves in the state’s custody, if not for some form of trauma in their lives? This was certainly the case for our daughter, Deja. She had been prenatally exposed to drugs and alcohol. She never had a stable home, most of her time was spent couch hopping with her mother or in the care of her great grandmother while her mother was in jail. Additionally, physical abuse and neglect were her reality before she could talk, usually at the hands of her mother. Mothers are supposed to protect and comfort their children; Deja did not experience that. The signs of trauma and exposure were evident in her interactions with peers. She was violent without provocation and often inconsolable. We met her twice before she was placed with us. Her biological mother is my husband’s cousin. Our first time meeting her, she was almost 2. She kicked our youngest son in the face as he crawled around on the floor. Rather than offering correction, her mother joined her in laughter. Our next meeting was when we invited my husband’s grandmother out for dinner and Deja, who was living with her at the time, tagged along. For the duration of the meal she did nothing but scream. It was high pitched and ear piercing; the kind one would hear on a horror movie…on full volume and repeat.

          Deja was removed from her mother’s custody just a few weeks later after grandma grew concerned for her wellbeing if left alone with her mother. We were then contacted by Child Protective Services, and agreed to take her as a foster care placement. During her very first night with us, she didn’t speak much. When she did, she called us “mommy” and “daddy”. It felt wrong, but something inside told me not to correct her. We assumed she was mimicking our other children. It would be another 21 months before we would officially own those titles.

            The first few months were the roughest, by far, in our adoption journey. As foster parents we felt called to treat her as our own; yet we had no rights. Week after week, month after month, we had to send her off to supervised visits with whatever county worker was in charge of transportation that day. Following every visit there would be regression, but there was nothing we could do to stop the exposure to her trigger; her mother. Even though it was supervised, the mere presence of her mother sent her behavior into a tailspin. Her therapists told us that we wouldn’t see true progress until she had completely cut ties with her past, but we had to let the legal process run its course. We did what we could to show her she was safe and loved. At that time, we lived with the constant fear that she may go back to her mother and be exposed to more trauma.

             I hoped that the termination of parental rights, and later the finalization of the adoption would be the magic cure for all of us. Prior to parenting Deja, I naively thought that love, especially between mother and child, did not have to be reciprocated. When I began raising a child that not only cannot reciprocate, but can’t even allow us to love her, I realized that it is a two way street and that even if you offer love, if it is not received, it is as if you have never offered it. Deja has an attachment disorder, commonly referred to by its acronym RAD which stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder. I found this introduction to attachment disorders through an online support group:

 “Children with attachment disorders have trouble trusting others. Trusting means to love—and loving hurts. They have been hurt too deeply. Loving must be done on their terms so that they will not be hurt again. They attempt to control everyone and everything in their world. No one gets into their world, past their barriers, without proving that they are truly trustworthy.” (Group, n.d.)

As a parent of an unattached child, I am charged with putting together the pieces of my broken daughter. I liken this to putting together a puzzle: The completed image is present on the box, but the pieces themselves are void of an image. One might as well be blindfolded. The image will only be present on the pieces, once the puzzle is complete. That is how I feel with Deja. I know in my heart what she can be; I just need to put the pieces together. She can offer no clues to me because she doesn’t know either. She never got a say in these things that happened to her and so today, she struggles with a need to control in order to feel safe. This complicates our home life at every turn. Additionally, she is often unable to effectively communicate her desires. This inability results in her either lashing out in anger, frustration, or what we refer to as “shutting down” like a robot that loses power and becomes unresponsive. I tend to prefer the robot because even though it is frustrating for us, it is better than having one of the other 4 kids with a bloody nose because she kicked them in the face. If I try to coax her out of her “shut down” state, or if I put her on time out, I am bombarded by verbal attacks: “I hate you!” or “I hate my family. I want them to die!” This is often accompanied by some physical destruction, which she hides to avoid getting into trouble. Our Therapists tell me that these behaviors will only get worse if she is not able to attach. This has not been an easy adjustment for our other children. Not only did we adopt a child with special needs; we became a family with special needs through adoption.

          Two years after contact was discontinued with her mother, we had witnessed little to no progress. Our pediatrician referred her for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder evaluations. A lot of the symptoms of RAD are also markers of FASD and Autism. The wait list to get into the clinic was 1 ½ years. We have not yet heard the official results of the assessment. By ruling out (or in) FASD, we hope to better understand the way her brain works so that we can find our way to her heart and help her to overcome her past and any future hurdles, that may arise, as a result of the damage to her brain. There is a saying I have posted on my fridge; the author is unknown, but it states: “Children who need love the most ask for it in the most unloving of ways.” This is true for my daughter and that is why we changed her middle name to Hope upon adoption.


Works Cited Group, A. D. (n.d.). Trauma Headquarters. Retrieved from adsg.syix.com: http://adsg.syix.com/adsg/general/Whatis.htm http://thosesweetbarefeet.wordpress.com/2014/11/03/i-hate-adoption/I hate adoption.

I suck at this! But I am hoping my new found free time will allow me to do this more regularly....We have some big changes to report in our house! As school ended this past spring we made some touch decisions about the upcoming school year. We decided to switch our 3 eldest kids to public school. It was a complicated decision and it required a lot of discussion and prayer. We love the Christian Academy that our children have been able to attend for the last few years. But we decided that at least for the 2013-2014 school year it just didn't fit into our long or short term budget goals. This means big changes in our house. Change 1: New hours! School starts 35 min earlier and ends 65 min later than at the academy. Change 2: Wardrobe! Uniforms at the academy made my job pretty easy when it came to back to school shopping. Change 3: Hot lunch! This excites me because I just am not a fan of packing lunches. So, it's nice to have the option(added bonus of breakfast at school too!) Change 4: LOTS more kids both in the classroom and in the school overall. There are more kids in each kids class than there was in the entire academy last year. The class sizes are still relatively small compared to larger cities. But none the less a big adjustment. Change 5: Curriculum. The academy is outcome based so the kids go at their own pace. This has allowed Delilah to be doing 4th grade curriculum by the end of the year last year. This also means that in public school we had to make the choice: Start her in a grade based on age (3rd) or start her in 4th grade. We felt that with all the other changes she will need to acclimate to, it would be easier on her to be in her age based grade level of 3rd grade. We always have the option of moving her up if we feel it is necessary. This was a non issue with Gus because his age and grade level at the academy matched up better. Deja is in Kindergarten and could probably handle 1st grade but I don't want the kids to be in the same class! They definitely got a good start at the Academy which is why we decided to send Carson there even without his siblings for at least his Pre-K year. Additionally, Pre-K at the academy is full time so it allows me to have a year with Audrey before she too, starts full time school! The final big change is probably the hardest on me. Change 6: Letting go and trying not to mother bear too much. I liked our bubble. There is so much yuck in this world and eventually everyone grows up and has to learn how to navigate it. I don't necessarily think that it's necessary nor useful to learn many of these "truths" before you even go through puberty. I have never intentionally sheltered my kids. I am realizing very quickly though, that they have been sheltered. I don't really think that it was a bad thing either. They were active in the community, in summer reading programs, summer rec activities, sports, church on Wed & Sun, we go to HS sporting events and other community events. They have friends outside of church & their academy friends, and their cousins. They have never been in short supply of peers. But they also have spent very little time away from us. Delilah has just started to spread her wings and be able to walk to the park, or library, solo. So to send them to public school where I don't know all the kids, nor their parents, and I don't have the freedom to come and go from their class as I please, this is hard for me. So, week 1 of the school year is in the books. The adjustment wasn't quite as smooth as I hoped for, excluding Carson and Deja. They are doing great. Gus had "color changes" the first 2 days and was home sick the last 2. I would like to think that it was because he was getting sick that his behavior declined but I really don't know. He's not a particularly "naughty" kid, he's really very sweet. But, he is easily distracted and could use some work in following rules/directions. I am hopeful that he will be both feeling and behaving better for his 2nd week. Delilah had a bit of a roller coaster ride. She is a bit of a social butterfly and loves people. She also loves to talk and tells me every detail of her day. Day one she was delighted that they "hardly did any work!". The pace of a larger class is much different than her days at the academy. Additionally the letter from her teacher stated that this year they would transition from "learning to read to reading to learn". Huh. She's been reading chapter books for about 2 years now. They also will be "beginning cursive". This too she has known for 2 yrs. The last "goal" I suppose you could call it is to learn multiplication facts. She is pretty solid in math and had started to transition into fractions at the academy. So this worries me a bit as I fear she may either get bored or complacent. She needs at least a little bit of a challenge, or I feel the social butterfly will take over her inner scholar and she will not continue to excel in her academics. So, we're going to keep a close eye and allow for an adjustment to all the change before any decision is made there. She reported that some boys razzed her a bit for being a girlie girl. She also caught some flack for having Bieber folders. But, she new a few kids in the class from summer activities, and one boy was even kind enough to stick up for her. Day two/three: She learned about Abraham Lincoln and we had a disagreement because she was insisting he was a black man. Yeah. For the record the next day she re read her material and reported that I was right, he was white. And, that she was confusing him with "that Prince Jefferson, guy who had a dream". I offered "Martin Luther King Jr?" she giggled and said "Oops! Yeah, that's it!" Haha! It seems she didn't quite get the warm reception as the "new kid" she was hoping for and she was feeling a bit left out. I am encouraging her to be herself, and treat others the way she would want to be treated and when confronted with a bully issue herself, or when she witnesses someone being bullied; rather than retaliating, or seeking revenge she should be extra kind and look for opportunities to just be kind to a child who may have been bullied and to the bully. Love casts out fear. Fear is what leads to bullies. I hope that her willingness to talk to me and share with me continues. I already see the drama of grade 3 threatening her focus on academics so I will focus on that as well. I didn't feel like I had any "free time" this week because I was seemingly always on the run. Taking full advantage of having only one carry on. Hoping for a better week next week for all of us. I start PT on Monday for my ankle that I've injured and reinjured numerous times over the last 2 years and I am finally getting it in check so that it doesn't sideline me or my goals for health and lifestyle. So, please pray for the Kindstrand family as we navigate this new chapter in our lives! Pray that our faith be strong and our hearts be soft. God Bless!

Getting up to speed...

Well, after 2 1/2 years I've decided to start posting again. I have not stopped writing but due to confidentiality related to the fostering and eventual adoption of our now daughter, Deja, I quit posting. Please allow for some grace with my grammar. This is such a long entry I didn't take the time to proof read! Getting up to speed... September 2010 was my last post. At that time I was enjoying our newest addition, Audrey. She was only about 6 weeks old and we had already scheduled Buddy's vas. and we were content with our family size. He had his procedure in mid/late October, and in November we were faced with a new dilemma. Our local CPS had filed a CHIPS petition for my husband's cousins, daughter, DejaRayne. I had only seen this child twice in her 2 1/2 years of life. Once the prior Christmas when Carson crawled up to her and she responded by kicking him square between the eyes, and the second, just a few weeks prior to getting "the call" when she screamed and threw a fit at the local pizza place when Bud's grandma brought her with to meet us for dinner. I was asked to take custody of her for just a couple hours because her emergency placement was not available yet. I will never forget walking into the room and seeing this brown eyed beauty look up at me from behind the officers leg. I got down to her level and said hello, and held out my hand... She smiled a shy smile and hesitantly allowed me to grab her hand. We then said goodbye to the officers and staff and drove home. The whole way home she just sat in the car seat smiling anytime I said anything to her or looked at her. I'm sure it was a little overwhelming for her to walk into the house and find it full of other kids! I don't remember her talking to us, just smiling in response at everything. But, she did call me "Mommy" on that first day when she wanted something. It broke my heart. I didn't know whether to correct her or just ignore it. I didn't know if it was because she heard the others doing it or what. I also remember her calling Buddy, "Daddy". When she left that evening with her emergency placement; we both felt our hearts break a little. It was like getting a new puppy. We wanted her. Knowing the family history and being aware of the strong hold addiction has; we knew that if we stepped up, we needed to be ready for a commitment. So, we spent the weekend talking, praying, and on Monday when we were asked to bring her to her pre placement checkup, we knew that God had put this on our doorstep for a reason. We rushed the paperwork and by 5pm we were officially her foster parents. The next 16 months was full of heartbreak as we walked what felt like a tightrope of emotions. As foster parents you don't have rights. You don't even really have a right to an opinion because all that opinion could do,if shared, is put you at risk of upsetting the wrong person. CPS is the guardian, they at any time, and for any reason can remove a foster child from their foster home and there would be nothing you can do about it. It is not your child. You do not have rights. Journaling got me through this time and I was blessed with a SW and Guardian Ad-Litem who understood and supported me along with therapists and my close family/friends. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about the whole thing. Or rather, how I SHOULD feel. Every positive emotion feels wrong because it is shadowed by this huge negative. At the end of the day: A mother(just like me), and a father, LOST permanently, the rights to THEIR child. Every day I have to force myself to think of the NOW. All that matters now is that she is now entrusted to me, and I am responsible for her upbringing. August 24th, 2012 we officially adopted DejaRayne. She is now legally known as Deja Hope and shares our family name as well. The best part about the adoption? Well, to me there is a tie for "best": WE HAVE RIGHTS! & She is no longer legally an orphan. That was the hardest part for me in the wait between the TPR and the finalization. "Orphan" has a totally new meaning when it refers to one of your children. Having rights to me just means security. The same security I have with my birth children. They are mine. We get to say when, where, how long, and with who they go. You don't realize how much of a gift this ability is until you don't have it. Deja, now 4 1/2, has filled our life with so much joy over the last 2 1/2 yrs. Watching her grow and blossom is an amazing gift that never gets old. She is a bright, and talented child. Continually surprising us with her resilience. I hope to one day look back on our struggles of today in the same way I look back to many of the struggles we faced 2 1/2 years ago and be able to say to her "Look at you! You did it! You overcame! You persevered." With God, all things are possible. Right? She loves to sing (in the highest pitch possible without shattering glass...) and she loves to dance. She has become quite the little performer and she excels at her school work as well. She is very close to reading, and colors so neatly! Audrey is now 2 1/2... going on 20. She is at one my favorite stage of early development. Her personality is becoming more evident every day and it is increasingly hard to control my smile and laughter and the naughty, yet adorable things she says and does. She has mastered the potty and is SUPER independent. She is quite the little spit fire too. She is petite in size but has a HUGE personality. Carson is now almost 4. He is the most animated little guy ever. He uses his whole body to tell a story, and the stories he tells?! Whoppers! He has the greatest imagination and will be a great outdoorsmen with his tall tales in no time. He is petite as well, but has a belly that would make Buddha envious and he is proud of it. Halloween 2011 he went as "Chunk" from Goonies and even performed the truffle shuffle as part of his costume. He has his dad's sense of humor and is the family clown. Gustaf is 5 1/2 now. He is a bundle of energy. He still has his servants heart and often tells me "Mom, I'm going to clean the WHOLE house for you, okay?!" Sadly, like his mother he is VERY easily distracted. It's the thought that counts. He is in his 2nd season of Mite 1 hockey and has just moved up to the curved stick skill level. He has also been very impressive off ice; leaving his father in hopes of a motocross career that makes Travis Pastrana look like an amateur. He LOVES to ride his PW50 and seems to be a natural. He is also very close to reading (knows all of his letter sounds but has a hard time blending) and his writing is very neat. Delilah is 8. Whoa. She is in her 2nd year of piano, and recently started Karate. We are taking this year off of dance because of Deja's therapy schedule. But, they do plenty of performing right in our living room! A family in town was looking to rehome their upright piano and it has found it's home in our living room. She is growing up way too fast! She has become a very good reader and so we purchased her and American Girl doll to commemorate this accomplishment. The 8 year old girl in me is jealous. The mom in me hopes she knows how lucky she is and doesn't adopt a spoiled brat attitude about it. She has a PW80 but it doesn't seem to come as naturally to her, and she does not like the idea that her brother is better than her at anything. My grandpa's competitive spirit is alive and well in her! Buddy started on a new career path in the fall of 2011. He is now working at a coal power plant about 30 minutes from home. Shift work, great benefits, and he took a pretty major pay INCREASE. So proud to be his wife, and mother to his kids! He is a great provider for our family, both financially and emotionally. He has come a long way from HS dropout! God has really granted us a lot of provision for the road he has chosen for us. Taking on another child was not something we were financially ready to do when we agreed to it. But God has equipped us, over and over. I am volunteering at the kids school this year. I'm the Admin. Assistant at the NSCA and I love it. My mother opened a home daycare a couple miles away so Carson and Audrey enjoy spending time with her there a couple days a week so that I can help out at the academy. I also have been working hard on myself the last 2 years. I was not, and am not emotionally equipped to deal with some of my day to day life raising all these kids. God has met my plea for his help in this area by bringing people and provision into my life. Nutrition has been a huge focus for me over the last 1 1/2 years. This has helped to get my body and mind on the right track. My soul is also in training each day as I learn to go to God for my needs. I'm hoping that starting up my blog again helps me in all of my training, body, mind, and soul! Now that you've been brought up to speed, if you made it all the way through this, I would like to pray for you! I want to be more intentional about prayer in my life. Praying more for others is the way I'm feeling. You don't have to leave any details, a simple "Pray for me", is all I need. If you'd like to go into detail you can contact me privately or if you're comfortable, leave it in the comments. I'll leave you with this tidbit a friend on fb recently shared and I printed off to encourage me to start writing & sharing again: "I don't share my thoughts because I think it will change the minds of people who think differently. I share my thoughts to show the people who already think like me that they're not alone." -unknown

It's been awhile!

So if your wondering why I haven't posted in awhile it's because my laptop died. At first we thought it just needed a new power supply. Got one, used it for a few days and then it died again. This time for good. Thanks to a good friend we are up and running again on a desktop computer until we find it in our budget to get another laptop. So that's that.

Alot has happened since my last post. Audrey was born July 31st (4days overdue!!) She was a whoppin 8lbs 14.2oz and 21inches. She has been a joy so far! She is perfectly happy to just sit and chill in someones arms or in her crib, swing, papasan, etc. She sleeps great, although I do not as i'm still consuming large amounts of water and therefore am up every couple of hours through the night to potty! Audrey was 5wks this weekend, and I can't believe that time has flown by so much and landed us at the start of the school year!

Delilah started school again today. She was happy to go back and excited to be at the "big school" this year, with the big kids. I had planned on getting her hair chopped before school started, but it snuck up on us and I didn't squeeze it into the budget in time, so she will get it cut next week most likely instead. She wanted to cut it back in May when I cut and donated 19inches of my hair. Her hair at that time was long enough but I did not want her hair to be that short, so I told her to wait till the end of summer and by then it should be long enough to cut and donate without having to have too short of a hairstyle. She wants to get it cut in the same style as mine. I have mixed feelings about this. Trying to remind myself that as I watch my little girls beautiful long hair get cut off, another parent is watching their childs hair fall out, because of illness, and I def. have the better of the 2 scenarios to deal with!

Speaking of hair, Gustaf has been sporting a full mohawk this summer. He loves the attention he gets from it. Gustaf is loving having a little baby in the house, he asks to hold her constantly and before I even get her in the right position he is over it and wants to be done. A little ADD maybe?!? He has spent so much time outside this summer, it will be a hard adjustment for him to have to move his play mostly inside for the long cold winter. We are still working on the nighttime potty training but the Chiro visits seem to help decrease the frequency.

Carson has finally mastered walking! In fact in true boy fashion he decided that walking is for sissies and he prefers to run everywhere, even if that means running a few steps before loosing balance and falling over head first. (It's not his fault he's top heavy!) He has started showing interest in potty training. Ok, well to be honest it's not necessarily an interest in going on the potty, more of an interest in not wearing a diaper! He has came into the bathroom while i'm in there and started pulling at his clothes but i'm unsure whether this is his "I wanna go potty" signal or "I wanna take a bath" The boy LOVES baths! He attempts to join anyone who steps foot in the tub without being sure both doors are latched! He didn't care about Audrey for about a week. Then all of a sudden it was like he noticed her for the first time and has been in love with her ever since. He loves to hug her and snuggle her. He has said her name and "sister" a few times but he's not much of a talker yet. He can talk but is mostly silent until suddenly a partial sentence pops out, and then he is mostly mute again. The only things he consistently says are: EAT!! more, please, thank you, momma, daddy, Ezra, Delilah. He also growls....alot!

I have started working on loosing this "baby fat" I've accumulated with the 4 pregnancies! I am 17lbs from my pre baby weight....with Delilah! I started working out about 2 wks post partum. I am seeing/feeling the results, but have only managed to lose 2lbs in the last 3 wks :( I need to just stop weighing myself and focus on the inches lost but the scale seems to stalk me.

In case your wondering where I am on my goals and procrastination/adrenaline addiction. Don't ask! I don't think i've completed a single thing on my to-do list since before Audrey was born....probably about the time of my last post! The summer was beautiful and not to be wasted being inside painting! That's my excuse anyways! Now that it's cold I am hoping to get going on my list again and get it done!!!! Ok well there's alot more I wanna write about, but I will save those for upcoming posts! Have a great fall everyone!