I suck at this! But I am hoping my new found free time will allow me to do this more regularly....We have some big changes to report in our house! As school ended this past spring we made some touch decisions about the upcoming school year. We decided to switch our 3 eldest kids to public school. It was a complicated decision and it required a lot of discussion and prayer. We love the Christian Academy that our children have been able to attend for the last few years. But we decided that at least for the 2013-2014 school year it just didn't fit into our long or short term budget goals. This means big changes in our house. Change 1: New hours! School starts 35 min earlier and ends 65 min later than at the academy. Change 2: Wardrobe! Uniforms at the academy made my job pretty easy when it came to back to school shopping. Change 3: Hot lunch! This excites me because I just am not a fan of packing lunches. So, it's nice to have the option(added bonus of breakfast at school too!) Change 4: LOTS more kids both in the classroom and in the school overall. There are more kids in each kids class than there was in the entire academy last year. The class sizes are still relatively small compared to larger cities. But none the less a big adjustment. Change 5: Curriculum. The academy is outcome based so the kids go at their own pace. This has allowed Delilah to be doing 4th grade curriculum by the end of the year last year. This also means that in public school we had to make the choice: Start her in a grade based on age (3rd) or start her in 4th grade. We felt that with all the other changes she will need to acclimate to, it would be easier on her to be in her age based grade level of 3rd grade. We always have the option of moving her up if we feel it is necessary. This was a non issue with Gus because his age and grade level at the academy matched up better. Deja is in Kindergarten and could probably handle 1st grade but I don't want the kids to be in the same class! They definitely got a good start at the Academy which is why we decided to send Carson there even without his siblings for at least his Pre-K year. Additionally, Pre-K at the academy is full time so it allows me to have a year with Audrey before she too, starts full time school! The final big change is probably the hardest on me. Change 6: Letting go and trying not to mother bear too much. I liked our bubble. There is so much yuck in this world and eventually everyone grows up and has to learn how to navigate it. I don't necessarily think that it's necessary nor useful to learn many of these "truths" before you even go through puberty. I have never intentionally sheltered my kids. I am realizing very quickly though, that they have been sheltered. I don't really think that it was a bad thing either. They were active in the community, in summer reading programs, summer rec activities, sports, church on Wed & Sun, we go to HS sporting events and other community events. They have friends outside of church & their academy friends, and their cousins. They have never been in short supply of peers. But they also have spent very little time away from us. Delilah has just started to spread her wings and be able to walk to the park, or library, solo. So to send them to public school where I don't know all the kids, nor their parents, and I don't have the freedom to come and go from their class as I please, this is hard for me. So, week 1 of the school year is in the books. The adjustment wasn't quite as smooth as I hoped for, excluding Carson and Deja. They are doing great. Gus had "color changes" the first 2 days and was home sick the last 2. I would like to think that it was because he was getting sick that his behavior declined but I really don't know. He's not a particularly "naughty" kid, he's really very sweet. But, he is easily distracted and could use some work in following rules/directions. I am hopeful that he will be both feeling and behaving better for his 2nd week. Delilah had a bit of a roller coaster ride. She is a bit of a social butterfly and loves people. She also loves to talk and tells me every detail of her day. Day one she was delighted that they "hardly did any work!". The pace of a larger class is much different than her days at the academy. Additionally the letter from her teacher stated that this year they would transition from "learning to read to reading to learn". Huh. She's been reading chapter books for about 2 years now. They also will be "beginning cursive". This too she has known for 2 yrs. The last "goal" I suppose you could call it is to learn multiplication facts. She is pretty solid in math and had started to transition into fractions at the academy. So this worries me a bit as I fear she may either get bored or complacent. She needs at least a little bit of a challenge, or I feel the social butterfly will take over her inner scholar and she will not continue to excel in her academics. So, we're going to keep a close eye and allow for an adjustment to all the change before any decision is made there. She reported that some boys razzed her a bit for being a girlie girl. She also caught some flack for having Bieber folders. But, she new a few kids in the class from summer activities, and one boy was even kind enough to stick up for her. Day two/three: She learned about Abraham Lincoln and we had a disagreement because she was insisting he was a black man. Yeah. For the record the next day she re read her material and reported that I was right, he was white. And, that she was confusing him with "that Prince Jefferson, guy who had a dream". I offered "Martin Luther King Jr?" she giggled and said "Oops! Yeah, that's it!" Haha! It seems she didn't quite get the warm reception as the "new kid" she was hoping for and she was feeling a bit left out. I am encouraging her to be herself, and treat others the way she would want to be treated and when confronted with a bully issue herself, or when she witnesses someone being bullied; rather than retaliating, or seeking revenge she should be extra kind and look for opportunities to just be kind to a child who may have been bullied and to the bully. Love casts out fear. Fear is what leads to bullies. I hope that her willingness to talk to me and share with me continues. I already see the drama of grade 3 threatening her focus on academics so I will focus on that as well. I didn't feel like I had any "free time" this week because I was seemingly always on the run. Taking full advantage of having only one carry on. Hoping for a better week next week for all of us. I start PT on Monday for my ankle that I've injured and reinjured numerous times over the last 2 years and I am finally getting it in check so that it doesn't sideline me or my goals for health and lifestyle. So, please pray for the Kindstrand family as we navigate this new chapter in our lives! Pray that our faith be strong and our hearts be soft. God Bless!

Getting up to speed...

Well, after 2 1/2 years I've decided to start posting again. I have not stopped writing but due to confidentiality related to the fostering and eventual adoption of our now daughter, Deja, I quit posting. Please allow for some grace with my grammar. This is such a long entry I didn't take the time to proof read! Getting up to speed... September 2010 was my last post. At that time I was enjoying our newest addition, Audrey. She was only about 6 weeks old and we had already scheduled Buddy's vas. and we were content with our family size. He had his procedure in mid/late October, and in November we were faced with a new dilemma. Our local CPS had filed a CHIPS petition for my husband's cousins, daughter, DejaRayne. I had only seen this child twice in her 2 1/2 years of life. Once the prior Christmas when Carson crawled up to her and she responded by kicking him square between the eyes, and the second, just a few weeks prior to getting "the call" when she screamed and threw a fit at the local pizza place when Bud's grandma brought her with to meet us for dinner. I was asked to take custody of her for just a couple hours because her emergency placement was not available yet. I will never forget walking into the room and seeing this brown eyed beauty look up at me from behind the officers leg. I got down to her level and said hello, and held out my hand... She smiled a shy smile and hesitantly allowed me to grab her hand. We then said goodbye to the officers and staff and drove home. The whole way home she just sat in the car seat smiling anytime I said anything to her or looked at her. I'm sure it was a little overwhelming for her to walk into the house and find it full of other kids! I don't remember her talking to us, just smiling in response at everything. But, she did call me "Mommy" on that first day when she wanted something. It broke my heart. I didn't know whether to correct her or just ignore it. I didn't know if it was because she heard the others doing it or what. I also remember her calling Buddy, "Daddy". When she left that evening with her emergency placement; we both felt our hearts break a little. It was like getting a new puppy. We wanted her. Knowing the family history and being aware of the strong hold addiction has; we knew that if we stepped up, we needed to be ready for a commitment. So, we spent the weekend talking, praying, and on Monday when we were asked to bring her to her pre placement checkup, we knew that God had put this on our doorstep for a reason. We rushed the paperwork and by 5pm we were officially her foster parents. The next 16 months was full of heartbreak as we walked what felt like a tightrope of emotions. As foster parents you don't have rights. You don't even really have a right to an opinion because all that opinion could do,if shared, is put you at risk of upsetting the wrong person. CPS is the guardian, they at any time, and for any reason can remove a foster child from their foster home and there would be nothing you can do about it. It is not your child. You do not have rights. Journaling got me through this time and I was blessed with a SW and Guardian Ad-Litem who understood and supported me along with therapists and my close family/friends. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about the whole thing. Or rather, how I SHOULD feel. Every positive emotion feels wrong because it is shadowed by this huge negative. At the end of the day: A mother(just like me), and a father, LOST permanently, the rights to THEIR child. Every day I have to force myself to think of the NOW. All that matters now is that she is now entrusted to me, and I am responsible for her upbringing. August 24th, 2012 we officially adopted DejaRayne. She is now legally known as Deja Hope and shares our family name as well. The best part about the adoption? Well, to me there is a tie for "best": WE HAVE RIGHTS! & She is no longer legally an orphan. That was the hardest part for me in the wait between the TPR and the finalization. "Orphan" has a totally new meaning when it refers to one of your children. Having rights to me just means security. The same security I have with my birth children. They are mine. We get to say when, where, how long, and with who they go. You don't realize how much of a gift this ability is until you don't have it. Deja, now 4 1/2, has filled our life with so much joy over the last 2 1/2 yrs. Watching her grow and blossom is an amazing gift that never gets old. She is a bright, and talented child. Continually surprising us with her resilience. I hope to one day look back on our struggles of today in the same way I look back to many of the struggles we faced 2 1/2 years ago and be able to say to her "Look at you! You did it! You overcame! You persevered." With God, all things are possible. Right? She loves to sing (in the highest pitch possible without shattering glass...) and she loves to dance. She has become quite the little performer and she excels at her school work as well. She is very close to reading, and colors so neatly! Audrey is now 2 1/2... going on 20. She is at one my favorite stage of early development. Her personality is becoming more evident every day and it is increasingly hard to control my smile and laughter and the naughty, yet adorable things she says and does. She has mastered the potty and is SUPER independent. She is quite the little spit fire too. She is petite in size but has a HUGE personality. Carson is now almost 4. He is the most animated little guy ever. He uses his whole body to tell a story, and the stories he tells?! Whoppers! He has the greatest imagination and will be a great outdoorsmen with his tall tales in no time. He is petite as well, but has a belly that would make Buddha envious and he is proud of it. Halloween 2011 he went as "Chunk" from Goonies and even performed the truffle shuffle as part of his costume. He has his dad's sense of humor and is the family clown. Gustaf is 5 1/2 now. He is a bundle of energy. He still has his servants heart and often tells me "Mom, I'm going to clean the WHOLE house for you, okay?!" Sadly, like his mother he is VERY easily distracted. It's the thought that counts. He is in his 2nd season of Mite 1 hockey and has just moved up to the curved stick skill level. He has also been very impressive off ice; leaving his father in hopes of a motocross career that makes Travis Pastrana look like an amateur. He LOVES to ride his PW50 and seems to be a natural. He is also very close to reading (knows all of his letter sounds but has a hard time blending) and his writing is very neat. Delilah is 8. Whoa. She is in her 2nd year of piano, and recently started Karate. We are taking this year off of dance because of Deja's therapy schedule. But, they do plenty of performing right in our living room! A family in town was looking to rehome their upright piano and it has found it's home in our living room. She is growing up way too fast! She has become a very good reader and so we purchased her and American Girl doll to commemorate this accomplishment. The 8 year old girl in me is jealous. The mom in me hopes she knows how lucky she is and doesn't adopt a spoiled brat attitude about it. She has a PW80 but it doesn't seem to come as naturally to her, and she does not like the idea that her brother is better than her at anything. My grandpa's competitive spirit is alive and well in her! Buddy started on a new career path in the fall of 2011. He is now working at a coal power plant about 30 minutes from home. Shift work, great benefits, and he took a pretty major pay INCREASE. So proud to be his wife, and mother to his kids! He is a great provider for our family, both financially and emotionally. He has come a long way from HS dropout! God has really granted us a lot of provision for the road he has chosen for us. Taking on another child was not something we were financially ready to do when we agreed to it. But God has equipped us, over and over. I am volunteering at the kids school this year. I'm the Admin. Assistant at the NSCA and I love it. My mother opened a home daycare a couple miles away so Carson and Audrey enjoy spending time with her there a couple days a week so that I can help out at the academy. I also have been working hard on myself the last 2 years. I was not, and am not emotionally equipped to deal with some of my day to day life raising all these kids. God has met my plea for his help in this area by bringing people and provision into my life. Nutrition has been a huge focus for me over the last 1 1/2 years. This has helped to get my body and mind on the right track. My soul is also in training each day as I learn to go to God for my needs. I'm hoping that starting up my blog again helps me in all of my training, body, mind, and soul! Now that you've been brought up to speed, if you made it all the way through this, I would like to pray for you! I want to be more intentional about prayer in my life. Praying more for others is the way I'm feeling. You don't have to leave any details, a simple "Pray for me", is all I need. If you'd like to go into detail you can contact me privately or if you're comfortable, leave it in the comments. I'll leave you with this tidbit a friend on fb recently shared and I printed off to encourage me to start writing & sharing again: "I don't share my thoughts because I think it will change the minds of people who think differently. I share my thoughts to show the people who already think like me that they're not alone." -unknown